Saturday, December 24, 2011
Feel the hollowness inside of your heart..and it's all right where it belongs
First of all, I would like to let everyone know that I wish you a merry christmas, and thank you for taking the time to read my blog. I'm pretty happy to know that my blog gets about 30 views (or more) a day, it's astonishing really. Now, to proceed from this moment, I'll go into my minuscule vent..
Is it strange that I am completely afraid of mirrors? I mean, I can never look at them for too long because I feel that something is going to happen. Plus, every mirror seems to lie to me. I don't know whether its showing me progress or a reminder that I am in desperate need of a fast. I don't know if it's reality or my ED speaking. Just to let you guys know, I've purged twice this week and used the "pills" twice also. I have been restricting a good amount and I hope to keep it up. However, today I slipped a bit and binged so I'm just writing along to distract my disgust in myself..
My family has to be the most annoying and hypocritical people in the face of this planet. I swear, I'm trapped inside this cage-of-a-house without a way to get out. My mom and my brother expect me to suddenly become a servant because I started winter break. I know, they need help around the house, but asking me to do the same thing EVERY DAY is completely annoying. I know I probably sound like some spoiled girl who complains about cleaning, but there's more to that. They constantly humiliate me and, to make things more exciting, they treat me like some irresponsible that needs to be taught a lesson every few hours.
Ever since my brother came, I feel as though everything has been completely off. I know he bales me off whenever I want to go out, but he acts as if he's better than everyone. He's constantly talking about all of the girls he had, and all the "money" and "cars" he once owned...ONCE. If he was "all that" he wouldn't be living with his mother again. He wouldn't be asking for money every couple of minutes. It seems as though he doesn't know how to appreciate anything, since he is constantly demanding for more. Not once did I ever hear him ASK for anything. One of the things I hate about him (other than his constant ability to degrade women) is the fact that he's always complaining about my mom. I feel as though his rants are completely unnecessary because my mom is the one helping him out with EVERYTHING. He should seriously start getting a grip on reality, because he has caused a lot of problems in the family, an he knows it.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
I'm just going to start off by wishing everyone good luck on their finals. To be quite honest, finals don't terrify me as much as they do to others. Now, enough of this, I basically came to write about my purge session tonight. It's quite terrifying, but at the same time comforting, stepping into a once-known place. I don't really know what triggered me to do it, it just happened. I have no idea what will happen at this point on, but I'm pretty determined to go along with it; even if it means I have to suffer a bit.