Friday, January 7, 2011

Burry me,..

"Down in a hole and they've put all the stones in their place. Ive eaten the sun so my tongue has been burned of the taste. I have been guilty of kicking myself in the teeth. I will speak no more of my feelings beneath.."

I guess when I'm feeling like crap, i try covering it up with lust. I know it might not sound so nice but, sometimes that's all i got. I hate how twisted my emotions get, i don't cut, i cant purge, and i have to eat more "normal," just to convince my doctors that I'm better so that i can get the fuck out of treatment. I don't like talking about my feelings, i barely even do that with my boyfriend. I don't get the point of it. At night, i get these weird nightmares, and i am officially terrified of my room. Last night I had a weird nightmare involving my best friend and my boyfriend, having an affair; the night before, i dreamt i was being chased, and later raped, by someone i don't really remember. I don't understand these dreams at all. I'm not even safe in my own dreams anymore, so now I'm compelled to suffer a bit more. My body feels disgusting, and the fact that my boyfriend keeps holding me, makes me feel a bit more insecure. I need to buy myself more pills (or steal), i need to start controlling my life a bit more. Until then, i shall sleep in my couch..


  1. Hello,
    A very close person to me suffers from the same kind of turmoil you are suffering from. All I can say is the one thing that really helped them is finding someone trustworthy, someone they could befriend and someone that could help them set things straight.
    It's so difficult to do it but if someone genuine is with you, things will start falling into place.
    Find inspiration.