Thursday, December 8, 2011
‘As soon as I think I’ve hit rock bottom, some guy hands me a shovel and says, ‘Keep digging, motherfucker.
What a lovely day today turned out to be, I just finished performing for show choir at school, and we sounded fantastic. Now after a long week, I'm here at home drinking green tea and wishing it was friday. Now, my state of mind is quite chaotic. Winter break is coming along and I'm considering the idea of fasting. I know, its been FOREVER since that idea came to mind, but I can't help but want to do it. I'm in the middle of wanting to be fit and toned or being skin and bones.
In other news, I made it into a musical casting. The people really liked my voice, and I was incredibly proud. Although I didn't get one of the leads, I'm really happy I got in! I've no experience in acting so a small part will be just fine for now. I'm really proud of my voice, though! I havent purged in a while, so this has been a really great accomplishment. Sure, it's much more difficult than when my throat was better, but hey, I'm getting used to it. My throat bleeds every once-in-a-while, but that's okay. I can hear myself improving, and I've been getting amazing compliments from the people that had already heard me sing.
As for my relationship news, I can't help but feel completely weirded out by it...like, I just don't feel completely attracted anymore. I dont know if it's the result of me being too tired to do anything with him, or his lack of motivation to do anything. He doesn't seem like he wants to change at all. I mean, I love him and everything, but the weight gain is just a small example of him not really wanting to do anything, which bothers me a bit. Now, I'm not saying that "fat people are gross," or that "looks are everything," but lets face it, they are a reflection of who we are as a person. Him and I have agreed to workout together every once-in-a-while, but that has never happened. This relationship isn't as excited as it was when we first started. I feel as if im the only one trying out all of these new things and meeting all of these new people and he's just sitting at home playing video games. I dont know, maybe we just gotten to comfortable with each other, which caused us to drift apart for a bit (oh the irony). Maybe it's just me overreacting to nothing. Quite frankly, I just don't know what to do,think, or say anymore so I guess I'll just shut up.