33910) I thought I was getting better, healthier, happier. I’ve just gotten better
at lying to myself.
Today was the day I actually looked at myself in the mirror. Like, I actually payed attention to every pound I carry around. I wanted to cry. I felt like screaming and ripping my skin off. What was I thinking? That I could actually gain all of this weight and be okay with it? That I can pull it off and become "healthy?" NO. I feel as though I've been lying to myself and everyone around me. I dont need this..I don't need the humiliation associated with my stupid fat. I don't want to care anymore. I just want to go cry inside a dark cave. I cave so dark and deep, that I eventually forget who I am and what I look like. I don't want to be here anymore.