Thursday, November 25, 2010

helpless dreamer

well happy thanksgiving to anyone out there. i literally thought this year was gonna be lonely, im so happy it wasnt(: my mom and i had a great day(x a family friend came to visit this morning while another friend barelly left a couple of minutes ago. I dont know why, but eversince i woke up i felt like telling everybody that i loved them(: i texted my boyfriend the whole day..i wonder what he thinks of my corny side. haha. today i dont really want to focus on my ED at all, although i do admit that i stole more "laxies" far i has 2 at lunch (omelette,tomato slices, and a bit of rice) and i just took 3 after "dinner" (tomato slices with chile, and grapes). Im thinking of taking 2 more at about 11pm. i know its completely risky but since i havent purged, the food needs to get out some way?
my hopes and dreams will never go on hold, the constant battle against myself is too intense. today, i just 'faked' the fact that i didnt care about what i ate, i just wanted to give my mom a break for once. i love the fact that i didnt really have to change at all today(: im excited for the "hangover" tomorrow and just staying in. im gonna dread the fact that i took too many pills but, it kills to be prettym and im gonna suck it up until i feel satisfied. i want this, more than you know... i need this..

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