Saturday, November 27, 2010
so thinking back at my childhood i was a pretty happy child, the thing that was always gripping at my chest was the sad feeling of emptyness. Im not even trying to exagerate here, my mom and i were always moving, we were never stable in one place, my father was an asshole and never helped out with anything, he watched my cry and get beaten by his son but he never cared, he always told me to just suck it up because crying doesnt solve anything. People started leaving; either escaping in their dreams, forever asleep or just moving far away. I never had people to talk to, my mom was constantly working and didnt have any time to hear my "little stories"(or complaints), and the people that i once trusted just left me abandoned. I actually just decided to talk to myself, sure it was odd, but i was the only peson that would listen and understand what i was going through. I was sexually abused by many people, my brothers' friends, my friend's uncles, and a strange man whom this day i cant really remember. Going through a horrible depression in 6th grade and slowly entering the doors to this hell i call "mia". Instead of providing comfort, the voices inside my head were constantly beating me down, telling me to just risk everything,even my health, to find true happiness. Dont get me wrong, it wasnt all bad, i found a big comfort with playing barbies as young as 3 years old; it never bothered me playing alone. I was always known as amazingly smart since the day i began to talk, i loved sports and i loved the fact that i was different, yet liked. I loved singing, to this day i still do. Its my comfort zone, i love experssing my feelings through song and still being able to entertain others. I love it when people compliment me on my voice, although i always like to think i can do better(:
Im happy to say that ive been in countless relationships (not all successful ofcourse) but i honestly dont regret anything, i love learning from my mistakes!
As for today, i felt like just resting and listening to music while talking to my best friend, caro, who i happen to know for a long time. I just had a horrible B/P experience, i took 3laxies when i finished and now im just trying to distract myself.
If I can Remember
To know this will Conquer me
If I can
Just walk alone
And try to escape