Thursday, December 2, 2010


,..Time; its either too much or just not enough. We are never happy, we either want more of something or want less, we're selfish. I am in fact talking about everyone in general, i don't know anyone who hasn't felt any form of selfishness in their lives. I'm not excluding me either, Ive been pretty selfish all my life, even if it was just as innocent as wanting a certain Barbie for Christmas. My selfishness extends to seeking attention; sometimes i crave it, i want more attention; other times i just want less or just none. I admit I'm never happy, i just learn to deal. December 2nd, 2010, my amazing boyfriend turn 14 amazing months together, yet I'm still waiting for school to end so that i can be off with him, stepping into the doors of freedom. Although that sounds amazingly pretty, a part of me still cant help but to doubt every single word of that sentence. Today my B/P cycle continued after i got back home from counseling, I'm seeing my father tomorrow, and i got to admit,..I'm not excited. I dont want to see him. Why would i? I'm being devoured by resentment and drowning in my own misery, ANA wont seem to leave me alone. I told my therapist about my views of death and almost started crying. I honestly do need a break, thanks to that, I'm being highly recommended to attend an intensive care program (way to go jenny,..) I'm going to the psychologist tomorrow morning, with Brian on Saturday, a checkup on Monday,and therapist of Tuesday, Well people that read this, now i must drown myself with my pills before i go to sleep and just try thinking positive thoughts of this great day with my boy(x

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