Saturday, March 12, 2011
once I was someone new, I was chosen for a while.with time I am changing, at least that is what they say.what is worth with being here? I pray so often for a change.
Memories of what I once was seem to fade away with time..I barely remember what it felt to be a "real girl," where the only problem i had was finishing my homework or if so-and-so were going to be at this place with such-and-such. When i was a real girl, i ate chocolate bars, I played soccer, I was an A+ student. Nights were endless and days were joy, everything was full color. I had various "best friends" and had a "thing" for many guys at once, rarely committing myself into a relationship. The thought of being alone wasn't a problem, although i rather walk along with many people, my "friends". I went out to dinner at any time of the night, I laughed, I didn't mean it, but no one noticed. I was a people person, I loved them and they loved me. I had a group and I had very selective friends. I had the world in the palm of my hands; why wouldn't i? i had everything. Who wouldn't like a smart athlete with amazing friends? Sure, I had problems at home but hey, who doesn't? As life went on, I started to grow tired. I skipped soccer practice, homework was turned in late or not at all, I had no time left for my friends, I had replaced them with broken glass, gliding though my skin. People noticed, they questioned at first, but slowly, my "friends" started going their own ways. I kept waking up early and sleeping in late. I was too lazy to eat cafeteria food, so I skipped lunch...then dinner. Breakfast was once cereal with banana, then just cereal with only soy milk, then oatmeal, then an apple, then just water. My clothes started to fit too loose, I started to get little to no sleep for days..weeks..months. I could feel so alive in one moment, but then waking up on hard concrete floor, unaware of your surroundings. Tears start to run out. I was as cold as stone. I became pale. My once "flawless" natural tan, turned into a dead gray. I pushed everyone away, and i was okay with that. The girl I once was disappeared, where did she go? She got trapped in the past, I regret letting her go, leaving her alone in her own misery; my sorrow. I miss being that girl, I hate falling into temptation..I'm sorry I failed you today, i just felt so disgusting. I haven't cried while looking at my own reflection. Tears just kept poring out..I hate what Ive become.