Monday, December 20, 2010

deeply disturbed

Release me!No remnants were ever found of it Feeling the hot bile,With every fake smile.Though no evidence was ever found,It never went away completely,..

so i lost ablout 3lbs, im happy but not quite satisfied. You see, the old me would be happy and would be satisfied with the amazing progress she made. Sadly, this isnt me anymore, this just means i have to keep working as hard, if not harder, than how i was. The thought of me becoming this disturbes me, yet the sinisterness just makes me proud. Last night i couldnt help but break down, on the last minute, a dancer decided to give me the news that he cant be in my 15 anymore, i mean i get it but, seriously? If he wasnt ready to commit to it then why make me make all these plans? He didnt even tell me, my boyfriend did. I was left there, worrying . I had to make so much calls and i had to plan everything all over again. I do admit that im pissed off and that if i talk about it to someone i will eventually break down. That would be one of the most horrible things you can do/say to a quinceanera with less than 2months for the party. I mean, wow. Im paniking because i dont know if the guys i wanted could make it.. I dont want to talk to him, i am somewhat dissapointed that he didnt tell me anything or not let me know on time,. Now im scared, i really am. I swear if anyone brings this up, theres no doubt that i will break down.. Good news is that its 12;15pm and i ate oatmeal, (breakfast) and lunch i had frozen strawberries and 3 baby carrots(: i will keep this up and hopefully ill write back with more reports. Im going to the mall! yay distraction.

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